RELATIONSHIP RESOLUTION 2022 YEAR

Ask an open-ended question of someone in your life every day

As a relationship social scientist with a PhD in communication, I’ve got a personal pet peeve — when people say “Communication is the secret to successful relationships.” 

OK, they’re not completely wrong. But communication is complicated, and not all communication is created equal. Yelling is communication, for example. And so is lying. 

Actively listening while letting someone else speak is also communication, and it’s one of the most undervalued methods of building relationships with others. This means listening simply to better understand the other person and giving them space to share their story, express their fears, articulate their hopes or just tell you what irritated or delighted them today. 

One of the easiest resolutions you can make to improve any of your close relationships is to listen more, speak less and ask open-ended questions. Once a day, invite someone you care about to share. Ask the colleague who sits near you: “What’s been the best part of your week so far?”; ask your neighbor when you’re both out walking your dogs: “What’s keeping you going these days?”; or ask your kid over dinner: “What are you most afraid of happening in the next year?” 

Then, be fully present with them as you listen to them answer, without interrupting them with your own response or turning away. When we do this, we show the people in our lives that we really care about them.